he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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