no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
