You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
