Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
