I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
