we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
