I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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