No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
