my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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