ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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