I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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