I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
