she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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