she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
