I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
