i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
