Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
