Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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