they're like a gay fantastic four
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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