Non-Jews are for practice
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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