Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
