I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
