some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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