I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
