I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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