She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
