i jhust puked up my retainher.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
