so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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