So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
