i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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