I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
