Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
