it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
