Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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