The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
