For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
