I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
