Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
