she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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