Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
