What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
