I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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