Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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