Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
