you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
