i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So many bounce houses so little time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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