I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
