My girlfriend figured out who you are.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i out mim tonsoeep
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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