yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
