i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
