More tranny stories later!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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