He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Boobs are out for the taking
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
