R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
