Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Randomize
