Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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