Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
