How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
